Soda Stream – A Road Test

Some things never go out of fashion – little black dresses, ray-bans and Polynesian fork-and-spoon wall decorations. But what is it about certain items that become fashionable, must-haves and are the pinnacle of sophistication only to be discarded to the scrap heap of life like happy pants and Olivia Newton-John? Why were Reebok pumps so popular? Who thought that Madonna could act? How much cocaine do you have to do to come up with Mr Belvedere?

Mr.-Belevedere

Does he look a little "Hey Dad"?

Occasionally amongst this scrap-heap exists a rare nugget, a diamond in a pants-suit rough that was a victim of it’s own hype, a shot for the moon that only hit the stars. I’m talking (of course) about Chumbawamba.

Also, Soda-stream is making a comeback.

In honour of the “Definitely don’t put milk in it” super-machine, we’ll road-test the various models of Soda-stream.

The Fountain Jet

The starter pack for the Soda-stream family, the Fountain Jet is able to turn garden-variety tap-water into effervescent garden-variety tap water while transforming Sparkling Mineral water into fizzier Sparkling Mineral Water.

We spent a week with the Soda-stream basic, and while we were impressed with it’s ability to fizzinate liquids, we were very disappointed with the pizza-toppings it created and mildly amused at its crossword solutions (Pffftz-blurt is not the capital of Lichtenstein, silly Soda-stream!) The lack of a factory fitted scope renders the unit only useful in close-quarter combat with the muzzle flash considerably larger than similarly sized units, a disappointing drawback given its superior stopping power.

We re-gifted this unit for my Aunt after cleaning off the blood and fingerprints.

horse

Source

Not since Jesus was inventing the light bulb (my religious education was largely held in private with the lights off) has anyone been able to turn water into wine, but with the advent of the “Source” Soda-stream, budding wine makers will be able to drink knock off mountain dew while practicing the force.

The Source represents the next evolution in the Soda-stream and has addressed the major flaw in previous versions. While other models require you to press the carbonation button up to 7 times for 2-3 seconds each (does that count as cardio?), the Source has a pre-programmed carbonation with intelligent feedback that reduces the interface time up to 300%, or 15 seconds in the old language. So if, like me, you noticed that militants had invaded your country and installed a religious order based on worshipping moths while you were making an ‘Orange Banta’ then the Source is the unit for you.

Penguin

It’s the same as the Fountain Jet, but costs $120 more and has glass bottles. This extra money seems like a frivolous expense with no real gain, but with the stolen organ market bullish at the moment, I can afford a little luxury.

Tomorrow – time to get cooking: We’ll make some ‘home-made’ Soda-stream flavours.

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